silence vs speaking up

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Over the past couple years I have had a reoccurring dilema: do I speak my mind when someone wrongs me and [as best as possible] tell them the truth and the way their words or actions affected me, OR do I keep my mouth shut for the most part, giving them unconditional love?

As a people pleaser and a girl trying her best to live like Jesus, I have a habit of looking out for the best of others. I rarely speak my mind if I know if will offend or hurt someone. There are so many times where I would love to spew a bunch of “word stones” at people and hurt them, like they did me. It’d feel so cathartic. It’d help me to get things off my chest. It’d get the truth out there. After all, they should be told so they can learn from their mistakes, right?

But, unfortunately, it’d also hurt that person. And likely make me feel like a moron.

So how do I tell someone how they hurt me while also showing them love and grace?

For so long I just kept my mouth shut. And that caused me an incredible amount of pain – both physically and mentally. So, while I was sparing the heart of another, I was hurting my own. 

I don’t like hurting people. In fact, I really try to avoid it at all costs. I am, however, learning to stick up for myself. Maybe that means that person won’t like me, will be offended by what I say, will feel some pain. But here is how I decide what to say – can I walk away from the conversation with a clean conscious, that what I said was not out of malice or anger, but out of love and truth, hoensty and openness? Do I leave feeling good about my words? Sure, I often feel sad at the end of such a conversation. I am sad that I had to hurt the person and they may never come to realize the truth in what I said. I am sad that I am causing any offense to a friend. My pride is screaming as it realizes that person likely has some negative feelings towards me. But I am free. What is most important is to remember to act out of love. If what you are wanting to say is what you wanted to say the minute that person caused you any offense, you likely shouldn’t have said it. 

Take some time.

Be okay with how you feel.

Consider the other person’s feelings AND your own feelings.

Pray about it. Ask for help and clarity, direction and guidance.

Don’t speak out of hatred.

Don’t walk away feeling like a victor. Walk away knowing you spoke out of truth and honesty, and that it might take a long time, but hopefully that person will understand that one day.

Be an adult. [This is one of the most frustrating things to me – I often try to just be honest and talk about things, but so many “adults” haven’t learned that this can be healthy and good – it often is viewed as only a slam. Pride too often rules in such confrontational situations.]

But, all things considered – sometimes silence really is the best answer to a foolish response, a painful remark, an offended heart. It doesn’t feel good to stay silent, but sometimes that is what we are called to do. Write about it. Don’t talk about it with another person. Pray about it. Don’t lash out at the accuser.

[This post was originally posted on my other blog, Worthy Heart]

In the Word Wednesday: Your Body as a Temple

I’m currently studying 1 Corinthians and this week my focus is on chapters 2-3. I like to read each chapter from a few different versions and also look up some commentaries. Yesterday, while reading chapter 3 I was really struck by The Message version of veses 3:16-17:

You realize, don’t you, that you are the temple of God, and God himself is present in you? No one will get by with vandalizing God’s temple, you can be sure of that. God’s temple is sacred—and you, remember, are the temple.

Trust me, I hear and remind myself all the time that my body is not my own – it is the temple in which God dwells, and therefore should be treated with the utmost care and respect.

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The problem is, really a temple means nothing to me. I mean, I get that it is sacred – or was sacred – but I don’t worship in a temple and have never been brought up doing so, so I never gained respect for any physical temple. Likewise, I live in a society which promotes pleasure, especially pleasure through acts that tend to destroy my body temple. The foods we consume, the way we overwork our bodies – through physical exercise and a tendency to dismiss rest, sleep, and solitude – as well as drugs and alcohol abounding. We are about pleasing our bodies… and destroying them.

I’m just as guilty, and I am not saying these things are bad in and of themselves. We just don’t know how to discipline ourselves, to take things in moderation so as not to cause harm.

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In my battle vs my body and vs food and also vs self image, I am often reminded of these verses and the fact that as a Christian, I am a dwelling place for God, and therefore need to take care of myself. But mostly, I am reminded that my heart is the sole dwelling place for God living in me, and I should really take care to protect my heart.

This is all a learning process for me – watching what I eat and how much I work out – not to look good for the approval of man, but to honor God as a steward of this body he has given me.

Related scripture:

1 Corinthians 6:12

“All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

Galatians 5:21

Envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

1 Chronicles 17:1-5

Now when David lived in his house, David said to Nathan the prophet, “Behold, I dwell in a house of cedar, but the ark of the covenant of the Lord is under a tent.” And Nathan said to David, “Do all that is in your heart, for God is with you.” But that same night the word of the Lord came to Nathan, “Go and tell my servant David, ‘Thus says the Lord: It is not you who will build me a house to dwell in. For I have not lived in a house since the day I brought up Israel to this day, but I have gone from tent to tent and from dwelling to dwelling. …

marathon training: lessons learned

2nd marathon (Kentucky Derby Festival Marathon) – done and done!

I finished my 2nd marathon this past saturday and it, like my first, was a success (in my book)! This time I was nervous, but not like I was for my first. I was most nervous about it not being as great as my first experience – my first (and only until now) went much smoother than I had expected.

Again, I wasn’t running for a time but simply to finish. And finish I did.

I finished in 4:21 and my previous marathon time was 4:53. That’s a good 1/2 hour difference. I wasn’t trying for time @ either of these but obviously I have gotten faster throughout the past 1.5 years of training for time for half-marathons.

While I am no expert on running (by any means), you can see some of my chronicled training in these posts:

Now, something else you can do is look at these pictures from my run:

two goofs who like to run (it was their first time!)

 

the team minus 1

 

post-race

 

The first picture is the result of learning lesson #1. Here’s the list of some things I learned this go-round:

1. Remember your defensive running rule, in a new light. People may push or elbow you in the first mile to get ahead and then you will have to use discarded clothing to sop up blood until you reach a first aid tent miles away.

2. It’s okay not to run the week before. I read a lot of things about how much to run the week before, and I basically just didn’t run and I ended up doing fine.

3. You don’t need coffee to fuel you (it’s delish and normally I drink it, but not this time!).

4. Gels are good. I don’t train with them and I don’t really like them but I used them during the race (not recommended to try something new during race time) and I think they gave me added energy.

5. Nike Free+ shoes are great but around mile 21 your feet will wish you had a bit more padding in your kicks.

6. There’s nothing better than having friends around pre and post race, whether or not you stick with them the whole run.

7. High-fiving every kid on the side reaching for one makes you find little bits of joy in the pain.

8. You’re doing it, no matter how slow you go, so be proud.

9. Thank the police who are blocking cars from hitting you; practice gratitude, again even in the pain.

10. Eat lots of pizza the night after you run. It never tastes better.

 

 

Scripture and April challenge

I can’t believe it’s April already! 2012 is flying by. After a morning run, I thought it was a good idea to revisit my 2012 goals.

There are a couple that simply can’t happen at this moment but there are others which I am moving towards and feel confident will see accomplished by the end of this year!

One of the challenges I wanted to work on for the month of April was learning more scriptures and also replacing my boredom eating with reading scriptures. Yesterday I wrote out 30 scriptures to carry around with me throughout the day. The particular verses I chose were simply ones that had spoken to me recently or caught my attention yesterday as I perused my Bible.

I want to invite you on this journey with me! If you are interested, email me @ makinghealthahabit@gmail.com and I will email you a daily verse for the month of April! Simply write in the subject or body of the email that you’d like to be added to the April scripture challenge email list and I will email you daily with a new verse!

April Challenge

April is just around the corner! Yikes! Are you kidding me?!

In March I gave you the Mad Abs Challenge and I have been searching for something to do in April. The following are some options I figured I’d throw your way and let you choose!

The Thank Your Body 30 Day Challenge from Robin @ Thankyourbody.com

Arms n’ Abs from the Domestic Diva

A general eating better challenge from It’s Fitness, Baby.

In general, I know I have a few challenges for myself:

  1. No candy. Period. None. Candy seems to run my life. By candy I mean M&Ms. If there was an MMAA (M&M addicts annonymous) I’d be the leader. Maybe I should start that group. Unfortunately, how we reward behavior at my job is by giving the kids “dots” – M&Ms. They are always around… Plus I purchase them for my own usage. So, while my goal is to eat NO candy, I basically mean eat no M&Ms.
  2. When the temptation arises to mindlessly eat, study scripture instead. Sometimes when I am bored I just search for food to satisfy me. It never really does but I figure I could use this boredom to do something MUCH more productive. I’ve written some scripture on index cards that I plan to keep around the house as well as in my car and purse.
  3. Love myself better/more. Each day in April I will write down 1 thing I am so proud of/thankful for about myself. I think it’s good to practice encouraging others, and I try to do just that, but I also think it is so important to encourage and uplift myself.

Now my challenge to YOU: Join me! Join me in one of the challenges I listed for myself OR one of the others listed above! Let me know if you plan to do one of these!

March Challenge: Mad Abs

I mentioned before that I like little challenges – I think they keep things interesting and are much more attainable than the lofty ones I usually set for myself…

February had no fitness challenge, but I did do the Instagram FebPhotoADay! That was fun but with Spring just around the corner, I thought a fitness challenge would be nice. Luckily so did someone else – I found this Mad Abs March Challenge on pinterest!

I’m going to be doing it, who’s with me!?

Turkey tone-up

I have a challenge for you [because I’m doing it myself!]!!

30 days from now we will all be enjoying a beautiful Thanksgiving FEAST!

Hopefully.

So, the challenge:

Over the next 30 days work on toning up, whatever that may look like for you!

For me, I am (again) focusing on doing more lifting and intervals than long cardio sessions.

What will it look like for you?

To give you some ideas, I of course turned to Pinterest: