silence vs speaking up

(source)

Over the past couple years I have had a reoccurring dilema: do I speak my mind when someone wrongs me and [as best as possible] tell them the truth and the way their words or actions affected me, OR do I keep my mouth shut for the most part, giving them unconditional love?

As a people pleaser and a girl trying her best to live like Jesus, I have a habit of looking out for the best of others. I rarely speak my mind if I know if will offend or hurt someone. There are so many times where I would love to spew a bunch of “word stones” at people and hurt them, like they did me. It’d feel so cathartic. It’d help me to get things off my chest. It’d get the truth out there. After all, they should be told so they can learn from their mistakes, right?

But, unfortunately, it’d also hurt that person. And likely make me feel like a moron.

So how do I tell someone how they hurt me while also showing them love and grace?

For so long I just kept my mouth shut. And that caused me an incredible amount of pain – both physically and mentally. So, while I was sparing the heart of another, I was hurting my own. 

I don’t like hurting people. In fact, I really try to avoid it at all costs. I am, however, learning to stick up for myself. Maybe that means that person won’t like me, will be offended by what I say, will feel some pain. But here is how I decide what to say – can I walk away from the conversation with a clean conscious, that what I said was not out of malice or anger, but out of love and truth, hoensty and openness? Do I leave feeling good about my words? Sure, I often feel sad at the end of such a conversation. I am sad that I had to hurt the person and they may never come to realize the truth in what I said. I am sad that I am causing any offense to a friend. My pride is screaming as it realizes that person likely has some negative feelings towards me. But I am free. What is most important is to remember to act out of love. If what you are wanting to say is what you wanted to say the minute that person caused you any offense, you likely shouldn’t have said it. 

Take some time.

Be okay with how you feel.

Consider the other person’s feelings AND your own feelings.

Pray about it. Ask for help and clarity, direction and guidance.

Don’t speak out of hatred.

Don’t walk away feeling like a victor. Walk away knowing you spoke out of truth and honesty, and that it might take a long time, but hopefully that person will understand that one day.

Be an adult. [This is one of the most frustrating things to me – I often try to just be honest and talk about things, but so many “adults” haven’t learned that this can be healthy and good – it often is viewed as only a slam. Pride too often rules in such confrontational situations.]

But, all things considered – sometimes silence really is the best answer to a foolish response, a painful remark, an offended heart. It doesn’t feel good to stay silent, but sometimes that is what we are called to do. Write about it. Don’t talk about it with another person. Pray about it. Don’t lash out at the accuser.

[This post was originally posted on my other blog, Worthy Heart]

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age shmage

Please just allow me a quick rant, and then I’ll move on. Okay? Thank you.

 

Two days in a row older men and women have commented on my age and it’s affect on my ability to work out hard. Now, this is true – the younger you are the easier it is to work out. I’m sure of it.

 

BUT, just because I am young is no reason I work out hard. It’s all about what you can do, right? You can be old and while not able to run as far, lift as much, do as many reps – whatever – as I can, you do what is the maximum effort for yourself.

I have one spin instructor who stresses that, and for that I am so thankful. Do what is 90% of your own max effort – not what the person is doing next to you.

 

I work my tail off. I work out hard and I sweat a lot. I push myself and try to do the best I can.

Stop telling me the reason is only because I am young. Seriously. Today in my spin class there was a substitute teacher who kept praising me for doing so well, yada yada. Then she and a man in the class began discussing the reason I was doing so well was because I was 20 years younger than them. Uh, no. The reason I was sweating and huffing and puffing was because I was kicking my own tail. I’ve seen people my age in there who don’t work as hard. It’s not age, it’s effort.

Don’t compare your workout to someone else’s. Please. Do your best. Push yourself because you can’t push the person next to you. 

That’s all I’ll say.

 

But, since we are speaking of age, happy 27th birthday to one of my big bro’s, Daniel!

A day in the mouth…

What I ate Wednesday!

Unfortunately, today’s food wasn’t exciting.

I had an extremely busy day and when I had 10 min to eat dinner, nothing sounded good.

That is an extremely RARE thing for me.

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Breakfast was a hit with some oatmeal, fruit and coffee!

Later, I ate this delish nanner:

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And then I ate a ton of M&Ms and cookies during the workshop i did so I wasn’t totally hungry for lunch but felt I should eat real food:

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An English muffin with humus, spinach and a garden burger! Y-U-M!!

I proceeded to have not M&Ms and then went to the gym!

After the gym I had to quickly write a paper before seeing Bridesmaids with friends, so I made this:

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Strawberries, blueberries, cantaloupe, pineapple, almond milk, yogurt, spinach and cinnamon! Phew, that’s a lot.

After the hilarious movie, I went home to have some hot chocolate and finish my paper.

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These two were also there. That’s one of my brothers from Chicago and his dog, Shelby (THE sweetest pup ever!!).